How to Support a Friend with Cancer
In his powerful TEDx talk, three-time cancer survivor Christopher Gorelik shares what it’s really like to live through aggressive B-cell lymphoma—including stage 4 brain cancer—and what mattered most during his fight. Beyond the grueling treatments, surgeries, and uncertainty, he highlights a challenge many patients face that medicine can’t fix: isolation.
The Hidden Struggle of Cancer
Christopher describes how cancer created a “parallel life”—a new world of hospitals, chemo, and doctors that slowly pulled him away from his normal routines and relationships. While he was surrounded by medical professionals and loved ones trying to help, the sense of detachment from his regular life was difficult and disorienting.
When Friends Disappear
At first, many friends show up with good intentions, but as weeks pass, that support often fades. Christopher believes it’s not because people don’t care—it’s because they don’t know what to do or they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. But for those going through cancer, this silence can feel like abandonment.
How to Actually Help
Christopher offers practical, compassionate advice for staying connected:
Be specific, not vague. Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” say, “I’m dropping off dinner Wednesday. Is there anything you can’t eat?”
Keep in touch. A short, regular text that says “thinking of you” means more than you realize—even if they don’t respond.
Visit with intention. Don’t ask “When is a good time?” Say, “Can I stop by at 6 on Thursday?” And if they’re asleep, stay a while—they may appreciate waking up to a familiar face.
Help with everyday tasks. Offer to check emails, reply to messages, or organize their mail. These small gestures help bridge the gap to normal life.
Create simple joys. Organize a virtual game night, build a playlist of favorite music or podcasts, or bring a favorite snack without being asked.
Be honest and heartfelt. A genuine “I love you” or “You matter to me” can mean the world to someone in treatment.
Be Their Bridge
As Christopher explains, friends are the connection between a patient’s medical reality and their former life. When you stay close—through texts, visits, or small acts of kindness—you help someone hold on to the life they want to return to.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to show up. Be the bridge. Be their friend.
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This blog was reviewed by Dr. Sourabh Kharait.
This blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your treatment plan, hydration strategies, or diet. The information provided here is based on general insights and may not apply to individual circumstances.
