Helping Children Cope When a Parent Has Cancer
When a parent is diagnosed with cancer, it doesn’t just affect them—it impacts the entire family, including children of all ages. Kids may experience a wide range of emotions, from fear and sadness to anger and guilt. While there’s no “right” way for a child to cope, there are ways parents and caregivers can support them through the journey.
Psychologist Dr. Jennifer A. Hanson-More from Ohio State University recently shared insights on how children process a parent’s cancer diagnosis and how families can navigate these challenges together.
Understanding a Child’s Emotional Response
Children react to a parent’s cancer in different ways, depending on their age, personality, and past experiences. Some common emotional responses include:
Fear & Anxiety – Worrying that their parent might die or that cancer could spread to another family member.
Guilt – Feeling bad about being healthy or enjoying life when their parent is struggling.
Anger – Frustration over changes in routines, less attention from parents, or even at the medical team.
Loneliness & Isolation – Feeling like no one understands what they are going through, or struggling to talk to friends about it.
Embarrassment – Worrying about how people will react when they go out in public with their sick parent.
It’s important to remember that most children do not experience severe psychological distress, but some may develop persistent anxiety, sleep issues, or trouble concentrating at school.
How to Support Your Child Through a Parent’s Cancer
1. Keep Communication Open 🗣️
Children need honest, age-appropriate information about what’s happening. If parents avoid the topic, kids may imagine the worst or feel left out.
Use the term "cancer" so they understand what’s happening.
Reassure them that they did not cause it and that cancer is not contagious.
Allow them to ask questions and let them know it’s okay to talk about their feelings.
Consider using a shared journal where they can write down thoughts and questions to discuss later.
2. Maintain Routines & Stability ⏳
Children feel safer when their world remains predictable, even in the face of uncertainty.
Keep bedtimes, school schedules, and extracurricular activities as normal as possible.
Encourage them to spend time with friends and engage in hobbies for a healthy distraction.
Let them know about changes in advance—such as spending more time with relatives while a parent is in treatment.
3. Encourage Emotional Expression 💙
Children may not always verbalize their emotions, but their behaviors can provide clues.
Younger kids may act out or withdraw instead of talking about their feelings.
Older children and teens may distance themselves or seem uninterested, but they still need support.
Reassure them that all emotions are valid, whether they feel sad, angry, or confused.
4. Recognize When Professional Support May Be Needed 🎗️
Not all children need therapy, but some may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional. Signs that extra support might be needed include:
Frequent thoughts of self-harm or intense sadness.
Extreme behavioral changes, such as aggression, withdrawal, or sudden drop in school performance.
Persistent anxiety or physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches with no medical cause.
If these concerns arise, a pediatric psychologist or counselor specializing in illness-related stress can help.
Finding the Silver Lining: Positive Effects on Children 🌟
While a parent’s cancer diagnosis is incredibly difficult, research shows that some children experience personal growth through the process.
Stronger Family Bonds – Families often grow closer, focusing on what truly matters.
Greater Empathy & Maturity – Children become more compassionate and understanding toward others.
Resilience & Adaptability – They learn to cope with change and uncertainty.
Increased Self-Esteem – Helping at home in meaningful ways can give kids a sense of purpose and responsibility.
Encouraging these positive aspects can help children feel empowered, even during challenging times.
Final Thoughts: Supporting Your Child Through the Journey
There is no perfect way for a child to cope with a parent’s cancer—but what matters most is that they feel loved, supported, and heard. Keeping communication open, maintaining routines, and seeking help when needed can make a big difference in helping them navigate this difficult time.
About Dr. Jennifer Hansen-Moore
Jennifer Hansen-Moore, PhD, ABPP, is a psychologist in Pediatric Psychology and an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at The Ohio State University College of Medicine. She is a clinician who works on interdisciplinary teams to provide psychological support to individuals with conditions that impact urogenital development and/or fertility. Dr. Hansen-Moore also provides outpatient services for youth with selective mutism and body-focused repetitive behaviors. Her research focuses on youth with a urogenital or fertility difference.
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This blog was reviewed by Dr. Sourabh Kharait.
This blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your treatment plan, hydration strategies, or diet. The information provided here is based on general insights and may not apply to individual circumstances.
